2 steps forward--1 step back

OK. I am still convinced that things are going to get better however, Matthew was very fussy with his eating this afternoon and evening. We had a great morning...it was like it used to be for a few feedings and I was on cloud nine but then...he apparently was hurting and didn't feel too much like eating for the last few feedings. I feel like hitting my head against a brick wall sometimes. Oh well, I am still going to keep on my plan to keep him breast feeding.

We drove by our house today and they have the driveway and sidewalk finished...it looks like all they have left is the landscaping and a top coat of paint on the house. I can't wait until next Thursday when we get to take the tour and do the first inspection. We will have an opportunity to have them make repairs and then we will officially close on June 24th.

Anyway, I hate to cut this post short tonight but I am extremely tired.

Have a great night!!!

Oh Happy Day!!!

Wow, God is truly good!!! One of my dearest friends once told me that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. Today I found that statement to be so true!!! Just when I was about to give up on breastfeeding Matthew decided to have a much better day with his eating. We did not have to give him a single bottle because he ate an average of 25 minutes at each feeding. Sometimes I just wish he could just look at me and say "Momma this is what is wrong with me right now" and proceed to explain what is bothering him. I would gladly help him out if I knew what was wrong!!!

Today I decided to go back to the theory that his reflux was/is bothering him. I noticed that he would latch on and immediately arch his back and pull off. He wouldn't have any milk and then he would do this. After Seth read at the La Leche League site that babies sometime start associating pain with eating and stop eating we decided to try some of their suggested positions for nursing. After repositioning to Matthew being stomach to stomach or on his side he would fuss a little but on average eat for 10-15 minutes on each side. He was still fussy at times but he would more easily calm down and nurse. Please keep praying that this is the beginning of a much more agreeable nursing experience!!!

As for the Fenugreek...I think it is working. Since I am taking the supplement and making position changes in the nursing it is hard to say what is working. I am going to continue to take the Fenugreek and do everything we did today. I feel so much better about this situation. Today I asked God to make it extremely clear to me if I should start switching to formula...I said that I didn't want any subtle advice on this because I am defiantly thinking with my heart and I hope I am reading his answers right but it looks like the direction is to continue to nurse. More assurance came when I put little Matthew on my chest and he rooted to my breast and started nursing (just like a newborn). He was even crying and very upset while he was doing this. I believe that he still wants to nurse but he also wants to not hurt with his reflux. Hopefully we can make all of this happen for a long time to come.

Changing the subject completely...we are getting closer and closer to our closing date on our house. Today the mortgage company emailed to let us know that after we give them the last bit of info they need that we are fully approved to purchase the house. I guess with the housing market so low there are many more regulations and information that the companies and banks need to get approved. We have a realtor coming to the condo tomorrow to sign us up for a rental on this place. I hope we find someone to rent and soon because I do not know how we will be able to make ends meet after we get into the house. The picture is of the house a few days ago...since this picture was taken they have installed the accordion hurricane shutters and the lights on either side of the garage door.

Well it is time for bed...as Matthew peacefully sleeps (on a full stomach THANK GOD!!!) I realize how thankful I am for such a healthy little guy. There are so many babies out there that are born with lots of disabilities and illnesses so at least we have a minor problem with Matthew just being a little bit small. He is still meeting all of his developmental milestones. He smiles, laughs, holds his head up, lifts his head very high during "tummy time", rolls over, sleeps through the night, plays with toys, brings the toys to his mouth, and is eating solid foods without the tongue reflex pushing the food back. I am sure that I am forgetting a few but I know he is a happy, strong, and healthy baby that is truly loved by his mom and dad!!!

P.S. Matthew is also trying to sit up already. Soon I hope!!!

Snack Time!!!

I have a plan of action!!! I am going to continue nursing Matthew and after each feeding I will go and pump to encourage more milk production. Also, I have been reading about a herbal supplement called Fenugreek and I started taking the minimum dose of that today. This supplement is supposed to increase milk production. I am not ready to give up on the nursing just yet and I hope that we can have better days and weight gain in the weeks ahead. This morning Matthew nursed like a dream and the evening feeding was great too. We have to work on the 4 inbetween. I did end up giving him 3 ounces of pumped milk today in addition to our feedings. Thank God I have Seth here to help me with all of these changes. Keep praying for us that we can make it all work out and continue our breastfeeding. I absolutely love being able to give Matthew what he needs. I will keep everyone posted on the Fenugreek success or failure.








Matthew had a treat tonight. We have a mesh teether and I had froze some Bananas and Mixed Berries baby food and put some of it into the teether. He absolutely loved every suck and bite of it. He started shoving the whole mesh part into his mouth and sucking vigorously. It was so cool to see him enjoy his little baby icey!!! After he finished the snack he started crying for more (I sometimes cry for more snack too) but we kept him occupied with toys and he loved watching So You Think You Can Dance. He also had about 3 ounces of Green Beans tonight!!!

Matthew might be a little guy...but...he is very strong. He has this new game that he plays after we change his diaper. He will actually grab my hands and pull up into a sitting position. Sometimes he actually pulls up into a standing position!!! He loves doing this because he is proud that he is acting more like a big boy. You can see the pride and confidence beaming in his facial expression.

I think Seth loves being at home with us now. He gets to play with Matthew and help me out. I love having him here because I can actually eat lunch without having to worry if he starts crying, or needs a diaper change.

I can't believe that this time last year I was just starting out on this journey that is such a blessing. This time last year I was 12 weeks pregnant and scared out of my mind. Since I had just had a miscarriage (back in January of last year) every little pain or spotting that happened sent me into a complete frenzy of worry. I remember saying..."When we make it to the next appointment I will feel better." Honestly, I never 'felt better' until I was stareing at my little Matthew on the evening of Dec. 29, 2008. What a truly marvolus adventure God has led Seth and me on. I, secretly, can't wait for the next!!!

Hunger Strike!!!!

So either Matthew is attempting to wean himself from me or he is developing a hunger strike. The LC #5 today thinks he is ready to move on from breastfeeding. Honestly, I do not know what to think about that!!! At first I was completely devastated. I know that I am not ready emotionally to 'move on' and have him wean from me...but I want to do what is best for my little guy. I feel so rejected and alone right now.

Moving on...Matthew had a dermatologist appointment today for his hemangiomia (sp?) and I was hoping that the doc would take him off the propranolol completely today but she wants him on it for 2 more weeks. We go back on the 23rd for a follow-up and laser treatment. Seth will get to go and see a laser treatment done so maybe he will understand why I always wanted him with me when I went for those treatments back at the beginning.

Looking back on the past 5 months seems like a lifetime. Now that I have gone back to work, I feel that I really didn't like my 'normal' life before Matthew. I absolutely LOVE being a mother to little Matthew Wayne. I will really miss those days that I spent alone with Matthew when Seth was at work. At the time I would get so frustrated because I was sitting at home all by myself, without a break and constantly upset because Seth was late...but now I wish I could have all of that time back. I am starting to realize that my life with Matthew will never be the same once I start back to work in the fall. Tonight when I put him to bed...I just held him so close and tight. He was squirming around and just wanted to be put down but I couldn't for a while. He is just getting sooooooooo big...not necessarily in size but in attitude. Man I long for those evenings where he would just fall asleep in my arms while I was sitting on the couch watching American Idol or some other show.

Pray that I find more of those moments and that our breastfeeding will not stop. It is so hard to believe that I resented feeding him for so long in the beginning. Well on the bright side, now I know the rewards of bonding for when we decide to have our next child.

I hope that Matthew will always know that he is truly my knight in shining armor!!!

Good night!

Mission Impossible

Ok. So I finally talked with Matthew's doctor today and got some discourageing news. He would like for me to feed Matthew 8 times a day. That means that I have to feed him every two hours from 8 in the morning til 10 at night which is an impossible mission for me. I am afraid that I will be burnt out in 4 days doing this schedule. That is not factoring in his medicine schedule and the fact that it is a fight every time I try to feed him already. The doctor really wants Matthew to be 14 lbs by his 6 month visit so I am going to be a nervous wreck until we get to that weight. In the mean time I think that Matthew looks extremely healthy and he is meeting several milestones that are a little ahead of schedule. He is already trying to sit up and has been rolling over for several weeks. Matthew is laughing and smiling all of the time not to mention sleeping like a log. *me knocking on wood* Is it possible that he is just a little baby right now???

In any event, we got several varieties of baby food tonight at the store. So far we have only tried sweet potaotes, squash and rice cereal. I got pears, apple sauce, bananas with mixed fruit, peas, green beans and bananas (plain). They had a sale so I went crazy. I think I am going to go ahead and start doing 2 servings of solids a day. Maybe that will help him pack on the weight.

Seth helped out A LOT today!!! I had to teach a piano lesson this morning and when I got home he had started a load of laundry, cleaned the dishes, picked up the living room and started cleaning up the our cats messes. Matthew was very happy and ready to eat when I got home. Sometimes he really comes through and helps out like this...maybe since he is home for the summer he will keep it up!!!

Have a good night everyone and remember to keep Noah in your prayers...I haven't heard an update on him in a few days. Look for the link to his blog on my blog list to the right.

Fun Times

What a beautiful smile!!!


Learning to use the computer at a very young age.


Matthew, Nana and Me


The Patterson Family

These pictures are from Nana's visit last week. I am so sad that she is already gone...to be honest last week seemed to fly by. Maybe the summer will go by slow so Seth, Matthew and I can enjoy the time we have together without it flashing by like the speed of light. I wish we had the money so I could be a stay at home mom. That is definitely out of the question now that we are buying the house.

Today Matthew was eating A LOT better. He even ate for almost 40 minutes at one feeding. I hope that he continues this trend and we can get back into a good routine. He has also been take very long naps in the morning and afternoon. I read somewhere that babies will sleep more often if they are not getting enough food. If this is true, I am scared that he is not getting enough to eat, but if I start giving him bottles I think he will try to wean even more off the breast. Pumping does not work very well for me unless I have missed a feeding in the morning so if he weans himself I might not be able to keep up with pumping. Knowing what to do can be so complicated sometimes!!!

We went out to eat tonight to Sonny's (our favorite BBQ joint). Man it was great and Matthew behaved himself very well. I am so proud of how well he does in public.

Well I better go for tonight. Keep us in your prayers about the breastfeeding. I hope we make the right decision.

Good night!!!

Another One Bites the Dust

Yet another stressful and frustrating day with Matthew and his newly found eating habits. Although last weeks bottle feedings were unavoidable, I think Matthew became used to eating in that way. Bottles are much faster and easier than the breast and it seems like Matthew wants the easy and lazy way of eating. Today it felt like the beginning with him...like I am starting over in trying to get him to eat as a newborn. Oh well, I guess I am going to struggle through it again because I love breastfeeding when things are working out right. In other words, I am not ready to wean him yet.

Seth was great today...in between feedings I got to go and take naps and get some much needed rest. I kept having horrible dreams last night. One dream was that Seth, Matthew and I were driving and Seth drove into a swimming pool. Seth and I got out and forgot all about Matthew. Then when we remembered him he was packed away safely in our suitcase but he was really small (like a newborn) again. Weird, huh??? I hate when I have weird dreams like that because I always feel like something bad is going to happen. Then when I checked the video monitor this morning..Matthew had unsnapped his PJs and had them wrapped around his chest and neck...so he was sleeping practically naked or just in his diaper. It scared me so bad I ran in to make sure he was still breathing. He was fine, but a little cold. I decided that any PJs that are 3 months were out at this point due to the fact that he is getting so long that he can kick himself out of them. So I am switching over to 6 month sizes or zippered PJs.


On another note...Matthew LOVES his Bumbo seat. With the little tray on it he can play with little toys. I can also use the whole thing as a little high chair so I can feed him his baby food while he sits up like a big boy. It seems like he is going to be left handed because he grabs the spoon with his left hand all of the time. Tonight was squash night and tomorrow I think I am going to try something green so we can change it up. He is eating the solids very well so I think he is ready for them. Maybe I should start doing cereal during the day and a solid at night. I might give it one more week of alternating between cereal one day and a solid the next.

I better go for tonight. Please keep praying that Matthew decides he wants to breastfeed without a struggle again. Also, there is a little boy named Noah that was shaken by his daycare provider. He had eye surgery the other day and I haven't heard much about him since. He is only 1 month older than Matthew and I couldn't imagine having to go through what his parents are going through right now. Please keep him in your prayers and if you would like to get info and read his story you can click on Noah's Road under my Blog list. I do not know his family personally but they are in need of lots of prayers.

Good night!!!